Ezra Standish carefully steered the Lexus down the snowy ice covered road, thankful for the four-wheel drive vehicle. He had left his classic Camaro in the garage, not wanting to risk his cherished car to the snow, ice and foolishness of other drivers. The 1963 limited edition automobile was just too important to him, and so he had invested in the four-wheel drive to use on the snowy Colorado roads. The vehicle slipped sideways on an icy spot and he rode out the slide, gently steering it back to the middle of the road. Thank goodness, this country byway was little used and he faced no other traffic. As the arched entrance finally came into view, he eased up and steered under it, driving carefully down the pine tree lined lane which led to an old ranch house, several barns and a fenced corral.
Easing in beside the old battered pickup, he put the Lexus in park and chewed his lip, wondering if this had been such a good idea after all, before killing the engine. He climbed from the vehicle, straightened his coat, and remembering he didn't have to lock the doors out here, moved for the front porch.
Knocking the snow from his shoes, Ezra rapped on the door and waited patiently until it was opened, revealing the puzzled visage of one Nettie Wells.
Nettie wasn't as surprised at seeing him there as she was that he was using the front entrance. No one ever used the front door or waited for her to answer before entering. Nettie's friends usually gave a quick rap on the back door, followed by a shout of her name in warning before hurrying into the warmth and friendliness of her cozy kitchen.
"Miz Wells? I hope I am not intruding upon you," he began, his cheeks flushing pink from more than just the chilly wind.
"Why, Mister Standish, do come in outta the cold." She swung the door wide, permitting him entry as her sharp eyes raked over him. He was pale and still showed the subtle signs of his lengthy convalescence. But there was something about his shadowed eyes..... a lack of sparkle.... a sense of missing humor..... and zeal for life. This was not the same Ezra Standish she'd come to know.
That Ezra Standish, arrogant, self assured and cynical with a cockeyed outlook on life, she had been surprised to discover she had genuinely grown fond of. The man now standing so ill at ease before her was subdued, but then, after all he had been through, it was to be expected.
He slowly entered, removing his gloves and nervously stuffing them into his coat pocket. "Forgive my absence of etiquette. I really should have telephoned..."
"Nonsense, come on in by the fire. Take your coat off. I'll get us some coffee."
"That's not necessary, Ma'am," He stood awkwardly, looking longingly at the brightly burning fireplace.
"Poppycock! Do as I say." she ordered brusquely as she moved to the kitchen. Nettie Wells hadn't lived as long as she had without realizing when a person was troubled and had something pressing on their mind.
With a sigh, he shed his coat and laid it across the nearest chair before moving to stand by the fire. The heat felt wonderful and there was something homey and inviting about the popping and crackling of the burning logs.
Ezra pulled his eyes from the hypnotic dance of the flames as she re-entered the room, handing him a cup of steaming coffee. "I venture you came all this way to see the children." He nodded. "Well, Maggie's over at Mary's playing with young Billy. And Jimmy went to the mall with Casey."
"I see. I really should have called in advance rather than barging in on you like this," he reiterated, attempting to apologize again, the disappointment evident in his voice.
"Nonsense. My door is always open, even to you, Mister Fancy" she teased with a smile which quickly vanished when he gave no rejoinder to the barb. Ezra was famous for his sarcastic wit and it was the good-natured bickering and insults which defined the relationship between the undercover agent of Larabee's elite team and the ex-school teacher turned rancher.
"I had hoped to see Miss Maggie."
"I know,....but I figure it does her good to spend time with Mary and Billy."
"Indeed. It's good she has someone with whom she can play. I dare say she hasn't had much opportunity to do that," he added sadly.
"I'd have to agree with you there, son. It ain't been easy for her or Jimmy." Nettie remarked, watching the younger man closely. "Both them younguns had to start growin' up a lot faster than they shoulda." She somehow knew it was a quality the gambler shared with the two children. Knowing Vin Tanner's childhood she now realized the closeness the con man and sharpshooter shared made much more sense.
"Mister Dunne is following up on the names Jimmy gave him. He believes he can locate their aunt in Oklahoma."
"Computers are wonderful things, ain't they?" Again he gave no response and her frown deepened. "I'm sorry you missed them, but when Casey offered to take them into town, well....Reckon it would do 'em all good to get out and I knew she'd see them back home safe."
"I'm sure she will. Miss Wells is a most capable driver, even in this disagreeable weather." Ezra lowered the mug with its untouched coffee to the nearby end table. "I should leave you to whatever chore I disrupted." He reached for his coat.
"Nonsense! I wasn't doing a thing. Sit down, I'd enjoy the company."
Ezra hesitated, unsure, but the inviting fire and wonderful aroma of whatever she was baking drifting from the kitchen made up his mind for him and he slowly albeit uncomfortably sank down on the old worn couch.
Nettie eyed him somberly, instinctively sensing something was on his mind. When he didn't speak, she coughed lightly getting his attention. "I know ya didn't come all the way out here to discuss Casey's drivin' skills. Why don't ya just spit it out?"
The woman had never been one to butt into someone else's business, but she also wasn't one to let another living being, human or animal, suffer if she were able to help. There was no doubt in her mind Ezra Standish was suffering. This man was a friend of Vin's, a part of Larabee's team and had helped her when she needed it. Any of those reasons would have been enough for her to offer aid, but she truly liked Ezra. She liked both Ezra Standishs. The shy man hiding behind the self erected protective walls and the laughing smart-mouthed rogue he showed the world.
"I beg your pardon?" he frowned, locking his gaze on his hands.
"Ya come out here to see Maggie,.....To see if she was worth it."
His head came up and he blinked rapidly as he questioned, "Excuse me?"
"You needed to reassure yourself about what you risked everything to save. Isn't that right?" she questioned softly, seeing the answer in his startled emerald eyes. "You risked it all to save those children. Hell, Mary and me too, and with what you suffered you need to convince yourself they--we-- were worth it."
His startled expression was answer enough.
Her voice took on an earnestness. "I am well aware, Mister Standish, you are a gambler. Your life has always been lived by the turn of a card..... never really caring if the fortune was won or lost, playing just for the sake of the game. But with this, you tossed your life in the pot when that bitch antied our lives, and discovered without your friends there to back you, you held a losing hand, with no ace up your sleeve. You knew there was no way you could win, but you called the bet anyway....Am I correct?" she asked softly.
Ezra stared at her, chewing his lip, and then slowly reluctantly he nodded.
She smiled. "I thought as much. Well, Mister Gamblin' Man, I'm sitting here, and those children and Mary are here, alive, and well..... I'd say you won, but then you alone paid the price so it's for you to say if it was truly worth it, isn't it?"
"Winning isn't everything," he whispered softly.
"I dare say Maude would have a hissy fit if she heard you utter those words, son." she half joked. Nettie had encountered the worldly Maude Standish on several occasions and couldn't honestly say she cared much for Ezra's mother.
"Sometimes you just have to walk away from the table."
"That what you intend to do?" she prodded startled by the comment, "Walk away?"
Ezra stared at the fire. That very thought had crossed his mind repeatedly in the past weeks. To just up and leave....go back to LA or New York and get lost in the highlife. Forget this place, forget what had happened at the hands of Tally, forget these people..... but something held him. One emotion which was totally alien to him. Something he honestly could not admit having ever experienced before, except maybe in his dreams. Longing.... belonging. Through the entire ordeal, those long weeks and months, he had instinctively known there was a place he belonged.....A place he finally fit....it was that one solid thing he had held onto, the one undeniable truth he had focused on. That elusive place he knew simply as home.... that place he now recognized--but couldn't quite acknowledge yet-- as being with these people in this place and this time.... Swallowing hard, he brought his pale face up to stare into her wise old eyes.
"How--how do you know when it's right? When it was worth that price you paid?" he whispered haltingly.
Nettie sighed heavily, feeling every day of her sixty plus years. "You know....here." She leaned forward and lightly placed her hand over his heart. "But you know already, don't you?"
Ezra hesitated as he gently laid his hand over her gnarled one. Very slowly he nodded and breathed, "Yes..." He closed his eyes, and drew in a long shaky breath and repeated "Yes...Nettie, I do." The gambler opened his eyes, nodding and gave her a bright dimpled smile, as he leaned closer, shyly planting a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you, Nettie..."
She flushed both surprised and pleased at his open display of affection. "Oh go on....." She started to tease him, but still saw questioning in his eyes.
"Ya still got more questions. Ask 'em, son, or you'll never know."
She knew from what Vin had told her, Ezra didn't have much memory of his missing time in Seattle. Some things were exceptionally clear while others were foggy or gone completely, shoved deeply into the darkest recesses of his mind, from where she secretly hoped they would never resurface. He looked away, chewed his lip and then reached for the discarded coffee mug, needing something to hold onto.
The con man stared down at the dark liquid. He knew she was right. If he didn't ask her he would never know. He had tried on several occasions but he simply couldn't bring himself to talk to the other men about his absence. The memories were as painful for his six friends as they were for him.
"You and Mrs. Travis found me in Seattle..."
The old woman nodded her head somberly. "That we did."
"How?" His voice dropped to a mere whisper as he turned hurt green eyes to meet her concerned blue ones. "Why didn't Mister Larabee or Mister Tanner, or one of the others find me instead?"
Nettie settled back in her rocker, her worn hands cupped about her favorite coffee mug. So that, too, was bothering the man so strongly he had braved the icy roads and nasty weather to find the answers.
"Well, it wasn't like they didn't look for ya, son. Hell, when Chris came back without ya, it 'bout killed him! And them boys all hauled ass to Seattle spent near three weeks turnin' over every rock, talkin' to everybody they could find.... But son, there just weren't no trace of ya to be found. Chris, himself, witnessed the explosion and he knew you were on the boat, and well.... it seemed pretty cut and dried. The Coast Guard said with the currents your body was probably washed out to sea and there just wasn't anything Chris or any of them could do. Larabee, hell, he was devastated. Blamed himself and crawled back in the bottle and tried to drown his own self. Only Vin kept sayin' ya wasn't dead. Said he would feel it if ya was...and he didn't, so ya's still alive. Course the others just thought he was in denial....."
A soft smile danced for a moment on the southerner's face. He should have known Vin would never give up on him. The Texan had a boundless capacity for believing only what he 'felt'..... and it touched him to think the quiet sharpshooter believed he would know of Ezra's passing. Hell, it still amazed him that the other five cared just as deeply in their own ways. He would never have believed he could have such friends in his lifetime. The southerner mentally shook himself and turned back to Nettie.
"Then Thanksgivin' Eve, Mary was working at the magazine and saw a story that came over the wires about a mission burning in Seattle and there was a photo. Homeless Hero it said. She called me to look at it cause she just wasn't sure. They'd all just barely been holdin' on and hopin' for some sorta miracle that only Vin believed would happen. Well, I took one look at that photo and......Well, son, it gave ya away."
He frowned, "Excuse me? What gave me away, Miss Wells?"
She reached out and lightly tugged at his hand tapping a long finger on his ring. "Knew there couldn't be two of them like that in the world and that feller in the photo was wearin' one. Just to make sure, me and Mary flew out to Seattle without telling the boys."
He looked up astonished. "You ladies flew out there alone? On Thanksgiving?" Again he was touched by the depths of caring in these people he had let get close to him.
"Sure didn't want to get the boys' hopes up iffen it wasn't you," she pointed out quietly. "But we both knew it was...Who else but one a you boys or a fireman would run into a burnin' buildin' without a second thought?"
He looked back down at the ruby ring turning it around and around on his finger, further amazed it was somehow responsible for saving his life. He'd worn the ring so many years now it was as natural on his hand as if it were part of his anatomy. Chewing his lip for a moment, he made a decision. After all, this woman had helped save his life too. He felt she deserved an explanation.
"I never had no class ring." Gone was the extensive vocabulary, his accent thickening, reminding her of a small boy quietly confessing to stealing a sucker from the dime store. "As you may or may not know, Miz Wells, I never attended school. But this...this was a symbol to me I'd graduated...."
Nettie's eyes widened at the softly uttered admission. No, she hadn't known. He was so well read and there was a natural air of refined intellect about the gambler which was usually associated with an Ivy League education, but she held her silence as he softly continued.
"I was livin' on the streets, runnin' a shell game for money to eat, and there was this young lady. I never did know her name. Several street toughs roughed her up, robbing her and I stepped in." He shrugged. "I was young, and believed a lady was to be protected at all costs. Chivalry and all that.....Of course, I got the stuffing kicked out of me, but I managed to retrieve her jewelry and she was unharmed. A little bruised and frightened perhaps. The next week she showed up to play my shell game and lost, even though I did rig the game in her favor. When she left, this was under the shell she didn't pick.....It was kinda like a graduation present....Like I'd become a giver instead a always takin'....I had become a person that someone thought enough of to want to show a kind a gratitude."
"Still haven't figured out how she got it under that damn shell." A small smile touched his lips as Ezra continued to stare intently at the unique piece of jewelry. "I always meant to return it to her, but I never encountered her again. I-It was the first time someone had freely done something for me without expecting something in return...." He fell silent, aware he had revealed too much. Taking a long swallow of coffee, he shook the old memory away and changed the subject, questioning, "Seattle is a expansive place. How did you find me?"
"Luck, son, nothing but luck. We found the burnt out mission and saw a young man on the street, and showed him the picture of you and Maggie. Turned out it was Jimmy. I reckon someone was smiling on you...on all of us and you were just meant to be found."
"Where..where was I? What...?" He vaguely recalled bits and pieces of his missing time but most details were still lost to him.
"Those dear children had a place fixed up under an overpass. That's where we found ya. You were in bad shape, Ezra, and we didn't know if you were going to make it or not."
He nodded quietly, touched again by her use of his given name. "I recall the hotel and recognizing you. I'm afraid most everything else is hazy much as it was after the accident."
Knowing Ezra was still uncomfortable with open displays of emotion, Nettie suppressed the urge to pull him into her arms for a motherly hug although she strongly felt it was exactly what he needed. "Perhaps it's for the best. Sometimes we only remember what we need to. That's all that is important."
He released a small sigh. "I believe you are correct"
In the past weeks, Ezra had come to realize he didn't want to remember much more than he did. Some of the half-remembered memories still haunted his dreams, causing him to awaken drenched in sweat and shaking with fear.
"I know ya don't like feelin' obliged and ya shouldn't because you'd a been lookin' just as hard yourself if it was one of the others that was missin' but if it'll make ya feel better, I can tell ya how ya might pay everybody back."
"How?" His voice was small, the one word barely audible.
She laid a gentle hand on his arm. "You can always remember there are folks who care deeply for you, son. And no matter how hard you try and push them away, or ignore them, they'll always be right there beside you." She saw he was going to speak and rushed on. "You can fool a lot of people with your wise ass attitude, but you ought to know by now, that bullshit don't work on me, son."
The con man flushed bright with embarrassment and hung his head. He would never understand how it was he made a living by making people believe what he wanted them to, yet like Vin, this woman more often than not seemed immune to his talents. "Yes'am," he muttered.
Nettie Wells smiled, giving him a conspiratorial wink. "But if it'll make you happy, I'll keep my mouth shut so the illusion isn't ruined."
He raised his head and flashed her a dimpled smile. "I would be...deeply appreciative, ma'am."
"Good. Now that we got that all straightened out how about a piece of apple pie to go with that coffee?" She pushed to her feet.
Ezra gained his feet and reached out a hand staying her. As she turned with a puzzled expression, he gave her another quick peck on the cheek. "Thank you, ma'am." he offered simply.
The woman nodded, understanding what he was saying with that simple gesture. The verbose con man had found himself at a loss for words to thank her, not only for helping save his life but putting his mind at ease as well. She pat his cheek affectionately. "You're more than welcome son,.....You're more than welcome."
There was the sound of a vehicle pulling in and as car doors slammed she nodded toward the kitchen. "I think you're about to get the answer to your first question......."
Ezra's emerald eyes danced a hint of the old sparkle returning as the backdoor was thrown open. His smile widened as her words sank in and he heard a little girl's high pitched squeal of delight as she yelled, "Ezra's here! Ezra! Ezra!........"
THE END